Thursday, July 5, 2012

Grilled Chicken with a Side of Sautéed Rabies

Me: Y'know, it's funny how chefs are so obsessed with foam. Asparagus foam, cumin foam, lemongrass foam. 

A River Runs Through Dan: Are they?

Me: They are! And I just don't understand it. Why take perfectly good food and just absolutely fucking ruin it? Like, which guy looked at asparagus and thought: "This needs to be as close to what comes out of rabid dogs' mouths as possible"?

A Serious Dan (stares at me in disgusted silence)

Me: That's what it is. I'm just saying it.

The Old Dan and the Sea (quietly): You have rabies.

Me: Oh. ...Well, yeah. I thought you knew.

I guess I should have been more forthcoming about my rabies. It's just ... it's been rough. My life is kind of like 28 Days Later, but all the time.

P.S. I don't really have rabies. My sincerest apologies to any rabies victims I may have offended.

P.P.S. Is it like 28 Days Later all the time?

P.P.P.S. I'm being horribly insensitive. I'm very sorry about this.

P.P.P.P.S. But is it?

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