Sunday, May 21, 2017

Short Post and a Song #116: The flourless chocolate cake is also chocolateless.


[at a trendy restaurant]

WAITER: And our dessert special is grilled yogurt and inverted peaches.

ME: The fuck is grilled yogurt?

ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER: Wanna split the triple-spiced lentil waffles?

OTHER FRIEND: Only if we get the pasture raised eel syrup.



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I Want You (She's So Heavy) by Juliette Valduriez




I've been listening to this nearly eight-minute-long Beatles song a lot while writing these days. Unfortunately YouTube does not appear to have a decent version of the original song, so please enjoy this video of Juliette Valduriez shredding like a motherfucking boss.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Short Post and a Song #115: My Greatest Disappointment


THERAPIST: What was your greatest disappointment?

ME: The Spice Girls never told me what they wanted. *sobs* They said they would but they never did.


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"Starman" by David Bowie




This song has been stuck in my head for over a week, so Green Eggs and Dan has been serenaded with the 20% of the lyrics I know repeatedly. Most of the serenading consists purely of me just sing-yelling "StarDAAAAAAAAAAAAN" at him.

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Short Post and a Song #114: This is what happens when I see graffiti I can't easily make sense of.




[Subway Platform]

RICK: Let's draw a dick on this pillar, Jimmy!

JIMMY: Naw, we'll get caught!

RICK: No one'll see. *pulls out marker and writes "No one will see it" on the pillar because he's clever and/or kind of an asshole*

POLICEMAN: Hey, you, stop writing on that pillar!

JIMMY: I told you, Rick!! *runs away*

RICK: *freezes, shocked by his own hubris. As he finally begins to run away, he draws a series of exclamation marks to emphasize the way this moment has forever changed the person he is, and the person he shall henceforth become*



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"Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads




So Jonathan Demme died about a week and a half ago, which is a real bummer since it always is when an awesome director dies, and he definitely was one. On his resume were Oscar-winning films like Silence of the Lambs and Philadelphia. Most significant to me personally is the fact that he directed Stop Making Sense, a 1984 concert film of the Talking Heads performing live.

"Psycho Killer" is the first performance of the concert, and it becomes clear pretty quickly that it's not going to be just the typical experience of watching a band perform. David Byrne comes out by himself and moves through the entire first song on his own, showing what a powerhouse of weird and awesome charisma he is. The angles of the camera show that Jonathan Demme never had any intention of just planting a camera in place and pointing it at the band. As a director he showed great instincts for when to move in close to the performers' faces, and when to go out long and display the band as one giant unit.

I highly recommend watching the entire concert. The first time I watched myself I was worried I wouldn't be entertained by simply watching a band play without the high energy atmosphere of actually attending the concert in person. But Byrne's Gumby dancing and irresistible energy pair with Demme's beautifully thoughtful direction to produce one of my favorite things I've ever watched. I posted another song from Stop Making Sense a few months back that displays how the show gets even better once the other members of the band are incorporated into the performance.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Short Post and a Song #113: I think I should be able to make it to Narnia in an armoire. Close enough, right?


[Furniture Store]

SALESPERSON: *knocks on the door of a bureau*

ME: *emerges from inside the bureau* Yes?

SALESPERSON: Can I ask what you were doing?

ME: Trying to get to Narnia.

SALESPERSON: *chuckles* I'll let it go this once. 

[literally two minutes later]

SALESPERSON: *finds me crammed inside a chifferobe* I should maybe point out that we don't actually sell wardrobes. And also ask that you leave the store immediately.


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"Muy Tranquilo" by Gramatik




This song served as my constant, repeating soundtrack for a scene I was writing in the second Renaissance Experiment novel recently. It sounds like some very chill, very talented dudes just jamming for four minutes, and I mean that in the best possible way. Gramatik even has another song called "Just Jammin'" and it is also great.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Short Post and a Song #112: Where did you find all those friends who also like to sing in the car, Wayne? TELL ME YOUR GODDAMN SECRETS.


When I'm not alone in a car and "Bohemian Rhapsody" comes on the radio I always want it to be like that scene in Wayne's World, but instead it's just me quietly squeaking, "Mama..." before lapsing into shameful silence.




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"Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen




That car sing-a-long will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Short Post and a Song #111: Is glue involved? Or eye of newt?


Dear women who can wear their sunglasses on top of their heads without the sunglasses falling off every time they try to look down,

FUCK. YOU.

P.S. I don't mean that. Please be my friends and teach me your ways, you beautiful witch dragons.



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"Bad Kids" by Black Lips





Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Dan and I do not agree about this song. La La Dan thinks the lead singer can't sing and therefore the song sounds more like jarring noise than music. I, on the other hand, don't think this song would be anywhere near as good if it were sung by someone with a smooth, melodic sort of voice. The quality of the singing is punky, yelly, and rebellious, which fits the spirit of the song perfectly.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Short Post and a Song #110: Enjoy your happily ever after with Garbage Breath.


Whenever a dude proposes to a lady he's never even kissed at the end of a movie, and then they finally do kiss, I always imagine one of them recoiling and saying, "Ugh, your mouth tastes like garbage."


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"Ebony Eyes" by Stevie Wonder




There's no big explanation for this one. I just really fucking love this song.