Wednesday, January 11, 2017


The conversation from everyone else's perspective:

ROB: Joe Montana was the best quarterback of all time, hands down. He led the Niners on a 92-yard drive with only 36 seconds left in Super Bowl XXIII!

MARK: Naw, it's gotta be Peyton Manning. He's thrown the most touchdown passes ever and the most in a single season!

ME: *pumps fist* Yeah, sportsball!

The conversation from my perspective:

ROB: Sportsball!

MARK: Sportsball!

ME: *pumps fist* Yeah, sportsball!

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Short Post and a Song #100: THE ONE SANE MEMBER OF SOUNDGARDEN: What the fuck is wrong with all of you?

"Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden

*SOUNDGARDEN brainstorming*

Weirdly large eyes and mouths!

Roasting a Barbie on a spit!

*DAVID LYNCH pops head in* You are doing great work.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Short Post and a Song #99: [David flipping through a Gumby book] Well I guess this cat's pretty cool...

"Life During Wartime" by Talking Heads

DAVID BYRNE: 🎶This ain't no party, this ain't no disco🎶 LIBRARIAN: Yes, we understand, David. Now please be quiet.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Short Post and a Song #98: Why couldn't that have been the first thing you said, Stevie?

"I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder

ME: Hello?

STEVIE WONDER:  🎶No New Year's Day to celebrate🎶

ME: Oh hey, Stevie, I actually-

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away🎶

ME: Seriously, Stevie-

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶No first of spring, no song to sing🎶

ME: Stop fucking around, Stevie.

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶In fact here's just another ordinary day🎶

ME: Stevie, I'm in a meeting, can you stop telling me what you're not calling about?

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶No April rain🎶


P.S. So I know this looks totally different from the Short Post and a Song you've come to know and tolerate over the years, but I decided it was time for a change. Instead of a short post and a song that have nothing to do with each other, I'm gonna cut out the middle man and post a song along with a brief joke/post about said song. Is this better than what I was doing before? I have no idea! But it's worth a try. If it turns out terrible I can always go back to doing it the old way. 

Have a good rest of your weekend, Velocininjas! Hopefully Stevie Wonder doesn't call you early before work tomorrow—that guy is impossible to get off the phone.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Short Post and a Song #97: He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.

He's the hero this drugstore deserves, but not the one it needs right now.


"Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin

Led Zeppelin has been one of my favorite bands since high school. But as a music nerd who likes to know more than any reasonable person would want to know about the bands she listens to, I quickly learned that Led Zeppelin partially (and often entirely) lifted the music and lyrics for several of their most famous songs from other artists.

Does it bug me that one of the world's most revered rock bands couldn't be bothered to come up with original songs, or even credit the other artists they were ripping off? Yes. But it does make me feel slightly better to imagine that the Lord of the Rings reference in "Ramble On" is the only bit of original lyrics they ever wrote, and that Led Zeppelin were really just enormous nerds who became rock stars so they could finally lose their virginity.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Short Post and a Song #96: Though I do like imagining what sort of ungodly hair their children would have.

Last night I dreamed that Jack White kept singing the "Why don't you kick yourself out?/You're an immigrant too" part of "Icky Thump" at Donald Trump over and over again and Jack White just kept getting closer and closer to Trump, more and more in his face, and then they started making out, and then I woke up grateful for the fact that I usually don't remember my dreams.


"Icky Thump" by the White Stripes

Today's song choice seemed pretty obvious. This is the second time ever that Short Post and Song has actually been cohesive. I'm glad I got to two before I hit 100.

Happy Sunday everyone, and let's hope I never remember my dreams again!

Monday, October 3, 2016

Short Post and a Song #95: Death is weird and scary and kind of boring. Also here's a political meme.

Me: I emailed my friend a few days ago and haven't heard back.

Camp Danwhere: Maybe she's dead.

Me: She posted on Facebook recently.

Dan Burton: ...Ghost?

Me: It would be amazing if the way people realized ghosts were real was because ghosts started posting shit on Facebook.


"This Charming Man" by the Smiths

You may know the Smiths as kill-yourself music, or at least be-weirdly-okay-with-the-idea-of-dying music, but from time to time the band also produced fun, dancey tracks like this one.