Sunday, July 20, 2014

Short Post and a Song #79: What happens every time we consider getting a pet.

Danfy Duck: We should get a cat today.

Me: Let's do it. And then it will be the very best kitten ever. And then it will need some $2,000  surgery.

Danily Guy: Because it has a rare form of kitten dia-BEET-us?

Me: Exactly. Because it has a rare form of kitten dia-BEET-us.

Cheese Dannish: And then we'd have to set it free on the streets of New York because we can't afford the surgery. (Sigh) What a short, tragic life our kitten will lead.


"Not Fit" by Tea Leaf Green

The piano is my favorite aspect of this song. It's got a jazzy vibe to it that I dig a lot. 

So I know a while ago I said I would post proper posts more often, rather than just Short Posts and a Songs on Sundays (gotta love 'dat alliteration, though). But then I got my first full-time job ever and have still not gotten used to going in each and every day like a normal, functioning human.

Stay tuned, though, Velocininjas. I'll be posting something more substantial soon, mostly because my critique partner Sarah tagged me in the Writing Process Blog tour, and she's just too much of a badass for me to refuse her.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Short Post and Song #78: Special Agent Jillian of the Pizza Crimes Unit

On the train back from Pennsylvania:

Me: (Sniffs) I smell pizza. I want it.

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Dan: Yeah, I smell pizza too.

Me: I should walk up to whoever has pizza and say, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to confiscate that pizza, sir."

Dance Dance Revolution: Then you should sit right across from him and start eating his pizza. If he tries to stop you, just ask, "Are you harassing a government employee?"

Me: That doesn't even necessarily imply that I am a government employee.

Raggedy Dan: And yet he'll stop bothering you and just let you eat his pizza.

Me: Genius.


"Old Yellow Bricks" by the Arctic Monkeys

There's something very comforting to me about listening to the Arctic Monkeys. Suddenly I'm back in college and awkwardly dancing around in my dorm room, praying my roommate won't barge in and conclude that I'm even weirder than she originally thought. But I keep dancing, because the Arctic Monkeys are playing and I just can't not dance.

I know that it was just the Fourth of July and that the Arctic Monkeys are a British band. But I've spent the last three Independence Days respectively hanging out in Paris (the ultimate enemy of all things 'merican), watching TV on my desk chair because I didn't (and still don't) own a couch, and eating dinner at a lakefront restaurant which faced away from the fireworks. 

So basically I am a fucking rebel who doesn't really care that much about the Fourth of July or fireworks.

If you'll excuse me, I've got some awkward Arctic Monkey jamming to get back to.  

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Short Post and a Song #77: This little girl may be my new favorite.

I overheard a little girl on a scooter when she and her mother were walking ahead of me in Manhattan:

Little girl: I wanna go in an antigravity chamber. In the chamber I'll be like, "WHOOOOOOOOOOA!!!" And then I'll be like, "Ow, my head!"


"Big Coat" by Wiretree

I can't say I totally get this music video, but it's a beautiful song.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Short Post and a Song #76: We two assholes were made for each other.

Walking down the street with Dantrick Swayze:

Dan Tracy: Oh, it looks like Essential Cakes closed.

Me: Hmm, I guess their cakes weren't so essential after all.

Dan Wars: A New Hope: (Pauses on the sidewalk to look at me.) Jill, that's somebody's hopes and dreams! They invested their life's savings, and you're making a pun?

Me: (Pause, then a slow laugh.) I laugh at their misfortune. 

(Long silence.) 

Me: Are you rethinking your life decisions? Are you thinking about what a horrible person I am?

Dancent Vega: No. I just noticed a guy on a bike wearing tons of gear, heading towards us at top speed and taking his biking so seriously, and I wanted to yell, "Slow down, Lance Armstrong!"


"Battle Without Honor Or Humanity" by Tomoyasu Hotei

I just rewatched Kill Bill: Vol. 1 and remembered why Quentin Tarantino is most likely my favorite filmmaker of all time. Every frame in that movie is a fucking masterpiece. Its theme has never been missing from any workout mix I've ever made. Generally I spend much more time making workout mixes than I do actually working out.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Short Post and a Song #75: The editing notes I give myself.

Dear Past Jillian,

Lowercase "q" is not a "g." I know they look similar, and I know that's confusing for you. 

But come on. Opague? Really?

Get it together.


Present Jillian


"Requiem for a Tower" by Escala

There's something magical about this re-arrangement of the "Requiem for a Dream" theme, played by an all-girl string quartet. It's the xylophone that really does it for me.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Short Post and a Song #74: I would buy the DVD of a movie I didn't even like just for that blooper reel.

Friday night Batdan and I watched Don Jon, a meh movie starring Joseph Gordon Levitt as a young man addicted to internet porn.

Dan Jan: (As the closing credit begin to roll) All right, now it's time for the all bloopers of Joseph Gordon Levitt pretending to masturbate.

We were both very disappointed when this did not turn out to be the case.


"Life in Technicolor II" by Coldplay

I've loved this song for years and it proved very useful when I was doing some feverish work on my new WIP yesterday and came out with 5,000 words. It occurred to me afterward that I'd never actually seen this song's music video, so I set out to change that.

And it is so fucking weird! Coldplay is doing a show at a church birthday party or something, only they're puppets for some reason. The kids in the audience look as confused by the directorial choices in this video as I am. Around 3:29, the dude with a camera realizes that he's catching puppets without strings on camera and will therefore become filthy rich. I'm surprised it took him three and a half minutes to realize that, but I guess the clowns on flaming motorcycles are what convinced him.

Yet despite its weirdness (or probably BECAUSE of it), I love this music video. It suits my WIP perfectly, especially when puppet Will Champion gives a little girl a miniature set of drumsticks at the end.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Short Post and a Song #73: The Last Jumper Cables in the World

Danold the Duck and I walked to the corner deli late Friday night and heard music loudly pumping through the open window of a parked red car where a young woman sat in the front seat.

On our way home ten minutes later the car music was still going strong, filling the entire street with its synthetic beats.

Danglorious Basterd: She's going to kill her battery. (Pause.) I wish I had the last jumper cables in the world just so I could tell her she couldn't have them.


"Hold Me Tight" by the Beatles

This is not my favorite Beatles song, but it's the one that's been stuck in my head all week. My roommates have had the treat of being serenaded with this song each time I've done the dishes this week. 

Go forth, Velocininjas, and annoy your own roommates with this sprightly tune.