Sunday, December 11, 2016

Short Post and a Song #98: Why couldn't that have been the first thing you said, Stevie?

"I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder

ME: Hello?

STEVIE WONDER:  🎶No New Year's Day to celebrate🎶

ME: Oh hey, Stevie, I actually-

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away🎶

ME: Seriously, Stevie-

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶No first of spring, no song to sing🎶

ME: Stop fucking around, Stevie.

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶In fact here's just another ordinary day🎶

ME: Stevie, I'm in a meeting, can you stop telling me what you're not calling about?

STEVIE WONDER: 🎶No April rain🎶


P.S. So I know this looks totally different from the Short Post and a Song you've come to know and tolerate over the years, but I decided it was time for a change. Instead of a short post and a song that have nothing to do with each other, I'm gonna cut out the middle man and post a song along with a brief joke/post about said song. Is this better than what I was doing before? I have no idea! But it's worth a try. If it turns out terrible I can always go back to doing it the old way. 

Have a good rest of your weekend, Velocininjas! Hopefully Stevie Wonder doesn't call you early before work tomorrow—that guy is impossible to get off the phone.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Short Post and a Song #97: He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.

He's the hero this drugstore deserves, but not the one it needs right now.


"Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin

Led Zeppelin has been one of my favorite bands since high school. But as a music nerd who likes to know more than any reasonable person would want to know about the bands she listens to, I quickly learned that Led Zeppelin partially (and often entirely) lifted the music and lyrics for several of their most famous songs from other artists.

Does it bug me that one of the world's most revered rock bands couldn't be bothered to come up with original songs, or even credit the other artists they were ripping off? Yes. But it does make me feel slightly better to imagine that the Lord of the Rings reference in "Ramble On" is the only bit of original lyrics they ever wrote, and that Led Zeppelin were really just enormous nerds who became rock stars so they could finally lose their virginity.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Short Post and a Song #96: Though I do like imagining what sort of ungodly hair their children would have.

Last night I dreamed that Jack White kept singing the "Why don't you kick yourself out?/You're an immigrant too" part of "Icky Thump" at Donald Trump over and over again and Jack White just kept getting closer and closer to Trump, more and more in his face, and then they started making out, and then I woke up grateful for the fact that I usually don't remember my dreams.


"Icky Thump" by the White Stripes

Today's song choice seemed pretty obvious. This is the second time ever that Short Post and Song has actually been cohesive. I'm glad I got to two before I hit 100.

Happy Sunday everyone, and let's hope I never remember my dreams again!

Monday, October 3, 2016

Short Post and a Song #95: Death is weird and scary and kind of boring. Also here's a political meme.

Me: I emailed my friend a few days ago and haven't heard back.

Camp Danwhere: Maybe she's dead.

Me: She posted on Facebook recently.

Dan Burton: ...Ghost?

Me: It would be amazing if the way people realized ghosts were real was because ghosts started posting shit on Facebook.


"This Charming Man" by the Smiths

You may know the Smiths as kill-yourself music, or at least be-weirdly-okay-with-the-idea-of-dying music, but from time to time the band also produced fun, dancey tracks like this one.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Short Post and a Song #94: The State of the Internet

*hears joke about something he or she personally cares about*

Internet Person: How DARE that monster insult the _________ community like that?

*hears joke about something he or she does NOT personally care about*

Internet Person: Sheesh, people need to learn how to take a joke.


"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by Regina Spektor

Last week I saw Kubo and the Two Strings and have had trouble shutting up about how great it was ever since. The movie not only included some of the most beautiful stop-motion animation I've ever seen, but was also one of the most engaging and tightly-written films I've seen in years. If it's still playing somewhere near you, I would highly recommend seeing it on the big screen.

This delightful cover of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" was used in Kubo's trailer and (epic) end credits. Regina Spektor uses just the right amount of restraint--that I didn't automatically recognize a voice as distinctive as hers says a lot. The instrumentals are great as well, and remind me of my other favorite cover of this song. 

P.S. I know in my last Short Post and a Song I said that this feature was moving permanently to my Tumblr. But I already have a Twitter account I spend too much time playing with, and one can only have so many Internet Things before they run out of time for Actual Things and have to live on canned beans and start selling their belongings on eBay. 

So Short Post and Song is staying put, at least for now.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

I'm inclined to agree with Lady on the Train #3.

Subway Announcer: The next stop will be Times Square-42nd Street with transfers available to the 2, 3, A, C, E, N, Q, R, and 7 trains. Transfers are also available for the shuttle to Grand Central. 


Subway Announcer: If I may make another announcement: The true meaning of a relationship is two people who never give up on each other.

*Brief Silence*

Me: Did he just...?

Lady on the Train #1: Yeah, that just happened.

Lady on the Train #2: It's a nice sentiment ... just weird time and place.

Lady on the Train #3: His ex-girlfriend has gotta be somewhere on this train.