Sunday, March 31, 2013

UPDATED: Short Post and a Song #47: I know there are literally thousands of better things you could be doing with your time, Supreme Court.

I get so tired trying to follow all the Supreme Court/gay marriage hoopla. Not because I don't support gay marriage 100%, but because a voice in my head keeps screaming, "Why is this even a QUESTION?"

Should gay people be allowed to get married? Of course. Yes. It's just "common goddamn sense."


"I'm Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO

Happy Easter, Velocininjas! Or Happy Sunday to those of you who don't observe the holiday commemorating when Jesus rose from the dead to aid Detective Easter Bunny in solving the Great Egg Heist as his Zombie Watson. 

Either way, please enjoy this video of Steve Kardynal roller skate dancing in Venice Beach. 

P.S. I'm Jewish so my knowledge of Christianity is limited.

P.P.S. I'm a little shocked by how many requests I've gotten for a drawing of Detective Easter Bunny and Zombie Watson Jesus investigating the Great Egg Heist since yesterday's post. I never could have predicted there would be a day when you kids would actually ASK me to use my sub-par drawing skills, and am now feeling very flattered and also a little worried about your mental health.

But anyway, here you go, you weirdlings:

I think it's safe to say we're all going to hell.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Short Post and a Song #46: I Swear

I wonder if the novel I'm working on should be subtitled: Children Drinking Delicious Beverages. There's hella tasty beverages up in this bitch.

P.S. I don’t swear in the actual novel, I swear.

P.P.S. Fuck, phrasing.

P.P.P.S Goddamn it, parents, you know what I mean.


"Girl Is On My Mind" by The Black Keys

There are some people who shall remain nameless (ahem, hipsters) who would automatically put the Black Keys down as being too mainstream or "generically enjoyable." I don't know what that means either; don't ask me. 

To those people I say a polite but earnest SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH. Just because a band has hit success and managed to make a dime or two off their work doesn't mean that they don't still have something important and special to contribute to music. Contrary to the popular belief that rock stars live off booze and a cocktail of hallucinogenics and pills, they actually need food and shelter to survive—both of which cost money. 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Short Post and a Song #45: Answer me these riddles three ... and then I promise we'll totally get brunch sometime—maybe in June?—okay, I love you, byeee!!

Writing a book is a bit like becoming a troll for a few months. You spend the vast majority of your time hunkered under a bridge, alone. When people do walk by, you ask three questions:

"How have you been?" 

"How's work going?" 


"How's the boy/girlfriend (substitute 'dog,' 'book,' 'script,' 'short film,' 'baby,' etc. for 'boy/girlfriend' where applicable)?"

Then the people move along and you get back to your hunkering.


"Take a Walk" by Passion Pit

Because we all need a dance break every now and then. 

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Short Post and a Song #44: Some writerly advice to my writer bros.

Don’t obsess about each and every sentence as you write—think of them as puzzle pieces. You can't even begin to think about solving a puzzle until you've got all the pieces, right? So just keep going. 

Then, once you're done, you can pick at and rearrange those pieces to your heart's content.


"Bright Lights" by Gary Clark Jr.

Gary Clark Jr. sounds how Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan's gay love child would sound if he were cryogenically frozen, woke up in present day with amnesia, and was nursed back to health/retaught to play guitar by the Black Keys. In a word, awesome.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Short Post and a Song #43: Have you ever not wanted to punch a camera-talker in the face? I'll try to keep an open mind.

I can't think of a single instance in which an actor talking directly to the camera in a movie or show has been a good idea. I'm not talking about mockumentaries like The Office or Parks and Recreation; I'm talking about when we are right in the middle of a scene and an actor starts chatting to the camera like it's his buddy or confidante. It always just distracts me from what's going on in the plot and makes me think, "Stop talking to the camera, you douche."


"San Solomon" by Balmorhea

Balmorhea is a fantastic band to listen to while writing. You notice the music enough for it to be inspiring, but not enough for it to be distracting. The beautiful piano, guitar, and strings fade into a soothing background. There's something so bittersweet about this particular tune—it's somehow both hopeful and melancholy.