Thursday, February 28, 2013

Dear Microsoft Word AutoCorrect,

Today I was working on my children's novel and, quite innocently I thought, decided to use the word "peckish." You decided that by "peckish" I really meant to say "puckish" and that wasn't gonna get by you—no, sir, not old M-Wordsley. So you went right ahead and fixed that for me.

But I did not in fact meant to say "puckish." "Peckish" and "puckish" mean two completely different things. If someone says he's "feeling a bit peckish," then he is announcing in an adorably British manner that his belly is rumbling for some fish and chips and bangers and mash. 

Conversely, if this person says he's "feeling a bit puckish," that probably means that he wants to have sex with everyone or make people have sex with the wrong people or whatever it was that Puck did in A Midsummer Night's Dream (high school was a long time ago).

I tried to change "puckish" back to "peckish" over and over but you just kept switching it back again. What is wrong with you, man? Are you so determined to get your twisted smut into our schools that you're willing to sneak it in through a fantasy story about monsters and talking animals?

Good DAY, Microsoft Word AutoCorrect. Good day.


  1. Your letter posts are my favorites--the one about Danberry's iPad, Rude Subway Girl, and now this one.

  2. ...Creepy Boy Scout Puck definitely needs puckish over peckish. What poor boy scout did he steal that vest from? This cracked me up.