Thursday, September 6, 2012

Beautiful vs. Homeless: The Haircut Gender Divide

I was supposed to get a haircut several months ago and ended up having to cancel the appointment. Instead of promptly scheduling another appointment like a responsible adult, I've simply chosen to indefinitely ignore the fact that I need a haircut. At this point my frustration with my split-ended locks is finally beginning to outweigh my extreme laziness, and I don't expect I'll be counting myself amongst the hippie-haired for much longer. 

It astounds me that I've managed to go this long without anyone (except me, in my head) telling me that I need a haircut. Dango Starr can barely go a few weeks without everyone around him pelting him with phrases like "Get a haircut" and "Seriously, get a haircut, bro" and "You look like Screech from Saved by the Bell." 

These months of non hair-shearing have gone very differently for me. Not only have I not been told to get a haircut—I have been excessively complimented on how long my hair has gotten. These people seem visibly upset when I inform them that I hate this rat's nest and plan to have it hacked off at my earliest opportunity. Their puppy dog eyes well up and they cry, "But, but, it's so PRETTY."

I don't think this is so much about the fact that I look better between haircuts than Danbacca (though I'm sure that's a factor). I think it's more of a gender thing. Just look at the evidence.


This is the reaction girls get when they wait too long to get their hair cut:

This, on the other hand, is the reaction that guys get when they do the same thing:

Girls get complimented on super-long hair, even if it's just as gross and scruffy as a dude's mullet. This appears to be one of those times when women come out on top of the gender divide. Enjoy it, ladies! You may have to shave your legs every goddamned day, but you can let your hair grow to the floor! 

And guys—I don't know what you're still doing here. Get yourselves to your barbers, you disgusting vagrants.


  1. This is incredibly true. I could -sit- on my hair, and it had the most incredibly horrific split ends ever, and usually wound up being a tangled rat's nest within two seconds, too long to style. Yet everyone was all "it's amaaaazing".

    Even now that it's much shorter (but still long) all my guy friends get upset whenever I mention so much as a trim.

    But my cousin with long hair looks like a bum. Goooo figure.

  2. Guilty. I thought your hair was gorgeous when we were in New York.

    Your Anonymous Mom

  3. Of course, I thought Dannikin's looked very nice, too.