Hey Velocininjas. It is my twenty-fourth birthday today. We do only get one of these a year, after all, so I have a special birthday tradition.
On the best of days, I am an extremely lazy person. This probably has something to do with the fact that I write and read for a living, and therefore sit a lot. And I know I should buy a standing desk, I know that's healthier, but I am too lazy to perform the actual act of buying one and setting it up, so there you go.
On my birthday, I allow myself a Festival of Laziness. Luckily I am rarely required to go into the office full-time so I can usually work it out so I don't have to work on my birthday. I get up late and Danlaration of Independence is usually home too since he also has a loose work schedule.
Whenever any suggestion of responsibility is thrown my way throughout the day, I respond with:
"It's my birthday."
That's it. It is my birthday, and those responsibilities have no business mucking up my birthday. Laundry? Who can be bothered with laundry on a day like today: A day of dreams?
Danstar Runner: What are you doing for breakfast this morning?
Me (blinks a few times): It's my birthday.
The Dan with a Thousand Faces: Yeah, happy birthday, babe. So what are you going to do about breakfast?
Me: It's my birthday.
This goes on for a while, until Dannister eventually (perhaps begrudgingly) procures me some sort of breakfast. It's not that I want some crazy culinary achievement drenched in Hollandaise sauce. Mostly I just want not to deal with breakfast because today is an ode to laziness.
When I got the delivery just now, I did so with a sigh.
Me: Ohhhkay. Even though it's my birthday.
Dannersburg: Do you expect me to do everything? Is that what you mean?
Me: It's my birthday.
Dantacular Dan: Damn it, Jill.
So the next time your birthday falls, I suggest you try my "It's my birthday" mind meld:
Don't you have that report to finish?
It's my birthday.
Are you planning to pay for that coffee, ma'am?
It's my birthday.
Shouldn't you be writing a coherent blog post for today?
It's my goddamn birthday, bitches.
Happy Birthday Jilly!! I hope you can find the energy to answer the phone cause I'm planning to call to say "Happy Birthday!" Anonymous Mom
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mama! It was a stretch but I mustered up the energy to slowly press the "Send" button when you guys called :)
DeleteHappy Birthday :) An ode to laziness is awesome.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! And I support your commitment to b-day laziness. I haven't done any work on my own since the Reagan administration. Incidentally, I have also appropriated my wife's b-day as another guaranteed work-dodge (though I do make *some* effort for her big day, which is, incidentally, this Monday. Send money).
ReplyDeleteThanks--laziness need support. Literally. Otherwise you kind of have to cook your own food and do your own dishes.
DeleteI have sent your wife five kabillion dollars for her birthday. It's in a purple, sparkly envelope decorated with tap-dancing elephant stickers.
Happy Birthday!!! I fully support your theory, I just wish I'd thought of it last month when it was my birthday.
ReplyDeleteThank you! If you were to have a belated birthday festival of laziness, I would completely support it.
DeleteCan I just say that your nicknames for your boyfriend are particularly funny in this post? I LOLed at Danstar Runner and Dan of a Thousand Faces. Hope your birthday was great!
ReplyDeleteYou most certainly can! Thanks so much for the birthday wishes--it was a good, lazy one.
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