Short Post and a Song #138: No that was a boop you ignorant savage

Peter Dan: [pats my nose] Bop!

Me: I get the feeling you are going to bop my nose again

Raisin Dan cereal: [pats my nose] Boop!

Me: Ha I was right

Bicentennial Dan: No that was a boop you ignorant savage

~*~*~*~*~

"Hallways" by Islands

You may be wondering what the fuck we're all doing here since today is Tuesday and not Sunday. But alas, I was at my cousin's in DC for Thanksgiving, seeing memorials and portraits and shit (and also the movie Coco, which I very highly recommend). 

I miss the alliteration of Short Post and a Song when it doesn't occur on a Sunday. I mean let's face it, we all do. But life is just too short to let alliteration call the shots.

My cousin is the proud owner of a keyboard and as someone who hasn't had regular access to a piano in nearly a decade, it was difficult to keep myself from tinkering with it whenever I was in the keyboard's vicinity. (This should be a lesson to all of you: Do not invite me over, I am not a good house guest.) 

I generally stuck to the scant handful of songs that I still have stored up in my fingers after all these years, but I missed the days of tediously and neck-ruiningly bending over my parents' piano growing up, trying to sound out the songs and movie scores I loved most. 

"Hallways" makes my fingers itch. It'd take two people to achieve the full effect but I think after many, many, many hours of making terrible noise on a piano I could maybe figure out some sort of one-person version. My one criticism of this lovely tune is that the piano at the end could go even further complexity-wise, but then I found this live version where exactly that happens.

I hope you had a good Thanksgiving, Velocininjas! Unless you're British. 

Then fuck you.

Short Post and a Song #137: Are the tacos in the cauldron?

I'd be in great shape if I could just dedicate as much thought to getting my shit together as I do to how that one dude offered Schmendrick a taco in The Last Unicorn even though his group only had rat soup.

~*~*~*~*~

"Lost Coastlines" by Okkervil River

While a few trusted friends are looking over Viable, I've been doing a lot of thinking about The Renaissance Experiment trilogy as a whole. Not writing anything down, really—just thinking about themes and messages and all those other sorts of things that can be a bit dangerous to think about when you're doing the actual writing (or at least it can be for me).

While I've been doing that thinking I have listened to this song roughly 5,000 times. When I first heard it I just thought it was a sweet, lovey sort of sounding song and I plopped it on my "Roth" playlist (every main character in the series has his or her own playlist, and even some of the secondary ones).

As I found myself coming back to this song over and over, I realized how strongly it applies to not just one character, but the whole series. The song is about getting on a boat and heading away from everything you've ever loved toward the unknown. It's about feeling lost.

But if you listen to the song, it doesn't sound like it's about that at all! It sounds so damn happy. And a happy song about being scared and alone and lost happens to fit this series like a glove.

Also check out the video, guys—it documents all the amazing drawing of the illustrations and lettering artist Kevin Tong did for an Okkervil River show.

Short Post and a Song #136: it's like tarantino WANTS me to have insomnia

ME: [trying to sleep]

MY BRAIN: why was michael madsen's character in reservoir dogs named mr. blonde when everyone else was a regular color?

ME: shut up

MY BRAIN: why not mr. yellow?

ME: [covers head with pillow]

MY BRAIN: why jill

~*~*~*~*~

"Tickle" by Eyes Lips Eyes

This song is sooooooo muuuuuuch fuuuuuun. Whenever I listen to it I swear I can feel those guitar riffs tickling my brain.

Short Post and a Song #135: An ice cream factory sounds like it would probably be the best factory.

Guys I have some terrible news. There are only a few pages of It Takes Four left, so I'll have to go back to trying to think up jokes on Sundays again starting next week.

But for now, the epic conclusion of this terrible, terrible book I wrote when I was eight!

Last week ended in yet another cliffhanger: "The parents clapped and in the morning the parent had forgotten all..."

Translation: ...about the divorce. Now you probebly think I'll say they lived happily ever after. I only have two words for you...

Yeah Right!

At the Callaway house I don't know how, but the next day Mr, Mrs. Callaway were back on their feet. The parents were thrilled at the scene but they...

It's nice to see that my sense of humor was on point even back then. "Yeah Right!" Classic. 

"...I don't know how, but the next day Mr, Mrs. Callaway were back on their feet." That has got to be some of laziest fucking storytelling I have ever seen. Clearly I got too preoccupied with the stupid Love Prance and totally forgot there was a whole other set of twins with probably Alzheimer's-ridden parents.

But now the parents are back on their feet! Who would've thought such a devastating illness could be cured by the presence of their daughter and another girl who looks just like her that she met in the woods.

Translation: Lived Happily Ever After. The End

Well that was abrupt. Seriously I took these pictures a while ago and double-checked the book to make sure there wasn't any more.

There was not.

But hey, at least there's a sign with lights around it that says "The End" in cursive that appears to have been hung on a wall by the same person who hung all those horrifying blank pictures. And a pathetic-looking flower.

Translation: About the Author

(illustrartor)

Jillian Karger is a third grader at Parkview School. Jillian has also ... The Scary Witch, The Invisible Friend and George and Garth go to the Ice Cream Factory. Jill has 5 people in her family and four pets.

I actually think "illustrartor" is amazing and vow to do all that I can to ensure that this becomes the new commonly accepted spelling of the word.

For someone who had written so many books at this point you'd think I'd say "written" instead of "...". 

Oh man, I really wish I knew where any of those books were, especially "George and Garth go to the Ice Cream Factory". If I remember correctly, "The Scary Witch" ended with said scary witch turning into a rainbow.

Thanks for making another trip down memory lane with me, Velocininjas. Next time I'm in Ohio I'm gonna have to stock up on more embarrassing shit from my childhood to share whenever I'm running low on jokes.

~*~*~*~*~

"The Next Time We Wed" by The Fratellis

This is the third time I've featured The Fratellis, and I love how incredibly different all three songs are. "Whistle for the Choir" is a pretty love song, "Medusa in Chains" is slow and bluesy, and "The Next Time We Wed" is a groovy tune that brings Prince to mind. This new track is just so much goddamn fun.

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, friends, go watch V for Vendetta for me.