I do not like Green Eggs and Spam. Except when that Spam happens to be hilarious.

Despite the precautions I've taken to avoid this on my Contact Page—putting spaces in my email address and spelling out "dot"—my level of Spam mail has still increased quite a bit since starting this blog. And I've got to tell you, some of them are downright fantastic. So I've decided to share my favorites with you from time to time.

So without further ado, here is my very first serving of Green Eggs and Spam:

Dear Beloved,

       My name is William Cheung (Executive Director and Head of Personal Banking), I have a confidential business worth 24.5 million US Dollars for you to handle for me. Kindly reply me via personal email: williamleung@w.cn for details if interested.  Thank you.

Regards.

Leung.

I don't know if it's even possible for me to tell you all the things I love about this email. Spam emails often just begin with "Hello" or "Hello Friend." They might begin with "Dear David," if your name is in fact Barbara. 

But "Dear Beloved?" How can you not love that? I believe it is how people should begin all business proposals from now on.

Another reason I adore this email is that our friend, William, changes his last name partway through the email. He even signs off with merely his last name, which is different from the one he offers in the first line of the email!

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be "handling" Cheung Leung's very profitable but confidential business. He must have me confused with some spy/accountant with whom he had a torrid affair in Singapore. 

I'm sorry I can't help you with your millions, Cheung Leung. I hope you find your number-wielding Mata Hari, wherever she is.