Sunday, April 29, 2012

I do not like Green Eggs and Spam. Except when that Spam happens to be hilarious.

Despite the precautions I've taken to avoid this on my Contact Page—putting spaces in my email address and spelling out "dot"—my level of Spam mail has still increased quite a bit since starting this blog. And I've got to tell you, some of them are downright fantastic. So I've decided to share my favorites with you from time to time.

So without further ado, here is my very first serving of Green Eggs and Spam:

Dear Beloved,

       My name is William Cheung (Executive Director and Head of Personal Banking), I have a confidential business worth 24.5 million US Dollars for you to handle for me. Kindly reply me via personal email: for details if interested.  Thank you.



I don't know if it's even possible for me to tell you all the things I love about this email. Spam emails often just begin with "Hello" or "Hello Friend." They might begin with "Dear David," if your name is in fact Barbara. 

But "Dear Beloved?" How can you not love that? I believe it is how people should begin all business proposals from now on.

Another reason I adore this email is that our friend, William, changes his last name partway through the email. He even signs off with merely his last name, which is different from the one he offers in the first line of the email!

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be "handling" Cheung Leung's very profitable but confidential business. He must have me confused with some spy/accountant with whom he had a torrid affair in Singapore. 

I'm sorry I can't help you with your millions, Cheung Leung. I hope you find your number-wielding Mata Hari, wherever she is.




    1. I SO would, but I don't want my computer getting any diseases :(

  2. I have to say... That's certainly sad. I get endless offers to enlarge my penis, claims of true love from men and women, and so many offers of money it's astounding. I certainly didn't know I was indiscriminate about who I'll sleep with, much less than I'm actually a male.

    I also received my second spam from fictionpress, which really disappoints me and makes me worry about some young writers. The first was an offer to "publish" my story, the second an offer to "buy" the copyright to the story. Have you ever had such a spam?

    1. You can learn all kinds of things about yourself from spam. I've been getting lots of loan offers lately. Not sure if that has more to do with me or tax season.

      Wait, Fictionpress itself sent you that? Or you got a review like that? I've never gotten anything remotely like that on there, luckily...

    2. it was a pm that sent the copyright request. spammer account, I think.