Sunday, July 27, 2014

Short Post and a Song #80: (With imaginary special guest title reader, Jerry Seinfeld) What is the DEAL with airline advertising?



Luke Danwalker and I saw this advertisement while waiting for the subway:




Me: (Looks at Save the Last DANce, then back at the advertisement) That's an advertisement for a travel website. What are they saying about crying babies here? What ... what happens to the crying babies?

Air Marshal Dan: If a baby cries on an airfasttickets.com flight, that baby will be tased.

Me: Or pitched overboard.

Dan Draper: That's just the sort of service you can expect from airfastickets.com.



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"My Body" by Young the Giant




I was singing this irresistably catchy song while doing the dishes and Dandrake glanced over at me from where he was putting steak on the grill:

Dan Valdan: They should play that song during the hot dog eating contest on the Fourth of July.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Short Post and a Song #79: What happens every time we consider getting a pet.


Danfy Duck: We should get a cat today.

Me: Let's do it. And then it will be the very best kitten ever. And then it will need some $2,000  surgery.

Danily Guy: Because it has a rare form of kitten dia-BEET-us?

Me: Exactly. Because it has a rare form of kitten dia-BEET-us.

Cheese Dannish: And then we'd have to set it free on the streets of New York because we can't afford the surgery. (Sigh) What a short, tragic life our kitten will lead.



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"Not Fit" by Tea Leaf Green





The piano is my favorite aspect of this song. It's got a jazzy vibe to it that I dig a lot. 

So I know a while ago I said I would post proper posts more often, rather than just Short Posts and a Songs on Sundays (gotta love 'dat alliteration, though). But then I got my first full-time job ever and have still not gotten used to going in each and every day like a normal, functioning human.

Stay tuned, though, Velocininjas. I'll be posting something more substantial soon, mostly because my critique partner Sarah tagged me in the Writing Process Blog tour, and she's just too much of a badass for me to refuse her.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Short Post and Song #78: Special Agent Jillian of the Pizza Crimes Unit



On the train back from Pennsylvania:


Me: (Sniffs) I smell pizza. I want it.

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Dan: Yeah, I smell pizza too.

Me: I should walk up to whoever has pizza and say, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to confiscate that pizza, sir."

Dance Dance Revolution: Then you should sit right across from him and start eating his pizza. If he tries to stop you, just ask, "Are you harassing a government employee?"

Me: That doesn't even necessarily imply that I am a government employee.

Raggedy Dan: And yet he'll stop bothering you and just let you eat his pizza.

Me: Genius.



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"Old Yellow Bricks" by the Arctic Monkeys





There's something very comforting to me about listening to the Arctic Monkeys. Suddenly I'm back in college and awkwardly dancing around in my dorm room, praying my roommate won't barge in and conclude that I'm even weirder than she originally thought. But I keep dancing, because the Arctic Monkeys are playing and I just can't not dance.

I know that it was just the Fourth of July and that the Arctic Monkeys are a British band. But I've spent the last three Independence Days respectively hanging out in Paris (the ultimate enemy of all things 'merican), watching TV on my desk chair because I didn't (and still don't) own a couch, and eating dinner at a lakefront restaurant which faced away from the fireworks. 

So basically I am a fucking rebel who doesn't really care that much about the Fourth of July or fireworks.

If you'll excuse me, I've got some awkward Arctic Monkey jamming to get back to.